There she goes. There she goes again....

 Ah, there SHE is. 

Sometimes you have to step away from a situation to look at things clearly. Not perfectly. With lenses that aren't clouding your vision. Perspective has a way of clouding your vision.

CUT AND DRY. I have a goal. This is HOW it is going to work out. No matter what it takes. No matter what. I have hung on to so many things and ideas for WAY to long. Long after I should have let go. BUT if I had let go, I wouldn't be who I am now. 

HA!! Said the universe to the child. 

I checked out for the last 5 weeks. As in literally. I turned over my phone. My computer. ALL my responsibilities.  Meditation. Therapy. :Yoga. Massages. Yoga. Acupuncture. Swimming. Horse back riding. Watching a LOT of TV (Actually a show that was an appropriate show to disconnect THIS IS US). Swimming. Hikes. Sleeping. Breathwork. I didn't drive a car for a month. I didn't cook a meal. I was in charge of nothing.

You know what? I'm still in charge of ANYTHING? I'm in charge of NOTHING. Only my actions and decisions that I make today. Is this a good decision for me right now? or a bad one or do I need to wait a moment?

When I came back to Hawaii in 2020. I wanted to start a retreat center. I didn't know what I wanted to do next. I was in the middle of trauma. I had three friends whose sons had been killed. My sons were going off to each coast to pursue their dreams. As they should. 

As I told many people this spring. Barbie broke. Her arm fell off. But in this case, my leg broke in three places in November of last year. 

Oh what do you say? Then I'm in this battle for on a property I own - no one else has contributed , I needed a reset. Not Barbie. I'm a real person. With real feelings. 

I took a break.

Reset. Bad things happen to good people. Worse things have happened to other people.

This moment is not going to last forever.

As for now, I'm back to paddling. I'm racing in paddling for the first time ever. I'm going to be 55 in June. I don't even know if I will make the team. That's not really the point. I'm in a boat, full of 20 year old's. I'm the one who has never raced before. They haven't either. 

I went to the hairdresser the other day. She's from the island. Born and raised. I said, I'm racing this year. I'm the oldest person on the boat (except for the steerswoman who is training us), I'm the oldest and I am the only blonde. The only thing you can help me with at this moment is to take me darker. This hair is way too blonde. If I'm going to be the "boat mama", let's gradually get my hair darker. It will bleach back out. She replied (she's in her early 40's with four kids - she and her husband have known each other since they were 14).

We were then doing sprint drills. Learning to jump on the boat while it was still moving. Jumping off, while it was still moving too, for the next crew to get on. Swimming back to land. 

The coach said in general conversation to the whole team (she's my age and has been racing her whole life. She doesn't remember not knowing how to paddle), that us swimming in were like dolphins. (There were three of us). She didn't realize she had dolphins on board.

She did stop me for a minute. You have improved. Your stroke has improved. :-) I nodded my head. I'm working on it, I replied. I do listen, make small adjustments when I can. Two ears, one mouth. :-)

She smiled. "I'll have to remember that one. Two ears, one mouth".

There she goes again...... 

I WANT TO KNOW THE MIDDLE

 We have an Ohana on our property. 

In Hawaii, Ohana means family. It also means a space on your property that what people on the mainland might call a "mother-in-law" apartment". Ours is a converted garage, it is a studio apartment. It does not have a full kitchen. The sink for the bathroom is shared in the kitchen. It does have it's own private entrance from the main house and a private parking spot. 

We have rented it out before. Once to a local guy that worked at the harbor. It also has shared laundry space and a shared big fridge that we use for storage. The guy that worked at the harbor was great. He was either working or on a boat. We would get a text every once in a while saying there was fresh tuna in the shared fridge. 

The second renter. He made it about 9 months. Some good times. Some not so good. We finally had to give him notice. 

We took a break from renting it out. We rented it for Ironman and Ohana (family). Other than that. It sat empty. Breathing room. Letting us breathe some life back into our lives.

As the moment those words roll off my tongue, the Dash arrives. The website I was referred, Furnished Finders. We can offer furnished accommodations, people can look for furnished places to stay. Someone inquired about our place to stay for a month. 

This would be great. A great tiptoe back into the short-term rental market on our property. A toe in the water. 

With this website, I guess, it's much like a dating website, only it's about a place to stay, only it's for a place to stay for longer time stays. 

Dash sends her email. We talk. Okay. This sounds good. In fact, this sounds better than good. She's here for a month, She's bringing her bike.

I introduced her to some guys who live on the property of some friends of mine..... 

She's spent all this time with the guys that live on a friend of mine's property. Really, I'm not jealous. REALLY, I'm not. Her bike hasn't been touched in a couple of weeks. She pops in and out. She's coming back in June to housesit for a month. :-) 

I know how this ends. I was young once. I came to Hawaii on a whim.

Dasha. I just want you to fill in the Dash.... :-)

A new life

 The loss of one's old life is a condition for finding a new one.

This happens so many times in life. You must let go of your old ideas, friends, things, places, thoughts, habits in order to gain new. 

Many people are not brave enough to let go of the old. They stay in the same routine. Live in the same place. Do the same things, with the same people. In fact many people do this. In some ways, I am very envious.

There are a couple of places on the island that Hawaiian people have never left. They still farm and hunt and live on their piece of the world. There is something so peaceful in thinking about that. That is their life. I know several people on the island whom have never left. In some ways, I am envious. Of course, we all know people who have never left their little part of the world.

Truth be told, I stay in my little neighborhood. I did the same thing in Denver. Even today, I was invited to go to lunch. When they mentioned the place. My very first thought was "that's far". It was 4 miles from where we were standing.  

My youngest son recently returned from Europe to Denver. He did like it there. 

For me, I always envisioned Hawaii as IT. This was the place. I didn't NEED or WANT anything else in my life. THIS was the END GAME. LAST BIG GOAL. 

For the last TWELVE YEARS, in the back of my mind was - get to Hawaii.

AND - I did it.

Several nervous breakdowns, tragedies and some incredible wonderful memories getting me here. I AM HERE. 

BUT WAIT.  My sons are only in their twenties. I didn't find Hawaii until my 40's. What if they both run off and fall in love with Australia or Africa or some remote little island in the Caribbean (hopefully, it will be near each other).  And then I follow their dreams 

This was and is MY dream. One of my dreams anyway. I've had many. I lived in Colorado for over 30 years. Who is to say there aren't more dreams, books, chapters and lives left to live in mine. 

Colorado will always be the place I "grew up". Hawaii too. But there are many chapters in this book called life. 

Part of Your Dream

This couple comes into the restaurant the other night.

Honeymooners from Switzerland. They have been in Hawaii for three weeks. We are the last island on their tour. They are waiting to be seated.

The other hostess asked:

"Why Hawaii? It's a LONG WAY from Switzerland."

"It's always been my dream. Since I was a little one."

I'm standing there smiling. My eyes fill with tears.

I'm a part of your dream. Let us help you make your dream come true. "Follow me"

I'm the lucky one.

Let people tell you their stories

 I've always been that person.

No matter the age.

No matter the place.

The other person.

If you sit down next to me, you are telling me your story.

In fact, I now get almost aggravated when you don't start telling me your story. Well, because, it's just a matter of time. 

OR, maybe you aren't ready. Then you get up and leave. You aren't ready yet. It's okay. We all have our time.

Today, a lady I've met through canoe club. (Can we confirm now, that I only meet people through canoe club or airplanes? or maybe gym memberships or oh heck nevermind).

When someone your age shows up at canoe club shows up = you latch on! I'm still one of the younger members. Shock! Surprise! About six months ago! Wow! She might be our age! (Not sure when mid-fifties got to be the young people, but hey! we are going with it!)

We've done some activities together with some other "young people". Today I sent her a text as I know her husband works Friday nights too. Want to go to Happy Hour?

Needless to say. We hung out boogie boarding on the beach on a Friday afternoon. She remarried in 2016 has two grown children. Went some trauma with her kids in 2016. And here we all are on our island of misfit toys in Kona.

Figuring out our next steps in life.

We both laughed about what people told us was "normal". We actually feel sorry for the people who still think normal is real. Normal is a setting on the washing machine.

Let people tell you their stories.

 

It's all about me

Every night I like to find two "stories" from the people who come in to the restaurant. Of course, we are a destination town. A vacation town. Every night, it is someone's birthday. Someone's anniversary. The smile hasn't left my face when I say, "Be sure and let your waiter/waitress know".  Yes, we do give a complimentary dessert, no we don't sing. We would be singing all night. 

Last week? We had a couple come in three nights in a row. With three children in wheelchairs they had adopted from the Ukraine a year ago. One night they had only brought one child in, Michael, he is 8. A year ago he was non-verbal (didn't speak). He speaks now. Full of questions, much like any 8 year old. Wanted to know my name, age, last name, age of my kids, my kids names, and on and on and on. And the name of every one that walked by. The last night they came in, he told me the restaurant was wonderful and I was beautiful. My his life has changed in a year.

Three men came in last night. A couple and their friend. They were waiting near the bar. When I went to get them, I was taking them to the other side of the restaurant. One said, "Oh, but Seth (the waiter), we want HIS section!" Smiling and laughing with me. I turned with mischief in my eye and said, "He doesn't play on your team." I knew it was brave of me, but I also could tell they were having fun. They laughed. I gave them a table right on the ocean and said "Will this view due??"  When they were leaving, they told me they had just moved here from Maui, I let them know they were more than welcome anytime and we are a very friendly community. They gave me a twenty dollar tip. I don't receive many tips directly from our patrons, so this was really nice.

Our company had a part-time office position available. 9-1pm Mon-Thurs. I had spoken to the HR person about the position. It was a good position. Making a little more than I am as hostess. Not standing all day. I could wear whatever I want, the office too is right on the water. The HR person, let's call her J, then called late Friday and said it would really need to be more 9 - 3, Monday - Friday, but I could still leave early the two days a week to go to canoe club to help the kids in the afternoons. I told her I would let her know on Monday.

I called her Monday and told her I was having too much fun as the hostess. I let her know when I was ready, I would be back.

Last night, the Director of Operations came in for dinner with his wife and friends. He introduced himself and said "I've heard good things about you". I smiled and thanked him.

"You know, you broke J's heart" (by not taking that other job), he said. I smiled and said "Well, I was going to break someone's heart". This time it's not mine.

Side Effects

I took a part-time job as a Hostess at a local fine dinning waterfront restaurant. Dinner hours only. Two nights a week. They are only open 4pm (happy hour only). Dinner from 5pm - 9pm. 

Beautiful restaurant. Right on the water. Beautiful sunset. EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.

I remember saying 12 years ago. I want to be the hostess there one day.

Well, by now, we know I play the long game. I guess I have more patience than I think.

What I DIDN'T expect?? The HARDEST part of the job???

Wait for it......

Trying not to cry every time I work. 

What did you say??

Because, this is what I'm so lucky to hear when people ask for their tables:

The VERY SECOND TABLE I EVER SET: Smiling woman from ear to ear, "This is my Granddaughter" Smiling mid twenties woman standing next to her "She flew into to surprise me yesterday, the rest of the family had dinner here last night. We now have 4 generations here. She and I are here for happy hour, the two of us." I literally couldn't say a thing. I did my best to smile and nod my head. Sat them at the best two seater table right on the water. Thinking of all my trips with my Granny.

We are here for our (Pick a year) Anniversary. We have always wanted to come to Hawaii.

I seat a table of 6. Anniversary trip of a group of friends. They befriend a group of 4 friends waiting on their table. By the end of the night, both groups are taking pictures of each other together. As they are all walking out the door together, we are going to a party together on Monday. I smile and reply "Vacation friends make wonderful friends." I should know, I have a daughter from a vacation many years ago.

Older man, I say that like I'm 20, kept coming back to the hostess stand to tell us silly jokes. Do you know the only kind of bee's that don't sting? Boo bee's?? :-) Boo is right. He did give me a ten dollar tip. Their family was celebrating anniversary 41. I said to his wife, how did you do it? She smiled and said he keeps following me! They were fun.

This is a bucket list trip. It's my last trip. 

A family of 6. The mom was standing there telling me about her 13 year old daughter taking pictures of another group in the parking lot. She said her oldest daughter was 20. So the mom knew that the next few years were not going to be easy with the 13 year old so they had come on this trip as a "bonding" one. 

The door happened to be empty and a let's say a 14 month old walked in, no shirt, no shoes, blonde hair and blue eyes with arms in the air. (I could see the parents in the background) But just for a moment, it looked like he was all on his own. There were two other people standing to the side. I owned the moment for him. "Aloha my friend!" "Are you looking for a table?" "I'm sorry, I know this is Hawaii, but we do require shoes and a shirt". I'm not sure who was smiling more. Me or everyone around. All I could think was, I knew just a few seconds ago, two little boys who looked just like you.....

I've been waiting for this job for a very long time.