My mom friends

I wrote this post before, but I don't know what happened. It disappeared. So, it will be different but the essence will be the same.

Once upon a time, I became a mom.

Then I met other women whom also had become a mom.

My life is filled with all kinds of people:  with kids, without kids, married, single, never married, divorced, those whom never gave birth, but have kids, young, old, giving, selfish.

I consider myself very lucky. I have good friends. Of course, I do always say, "I make a good friend, therefore, I have good friends".

My "mom" friends though are another "sub-set" of my friends. These are women I know - wait, make that met - from my sons. They became my friends because our children knew each other. These are not "friends of my mom"

These are women whom we met at the lunch table. Or while standing in the middle of street pregnant with our second child. Or on a playground.

My "mom friends" came to me through my sons.

In fact, one mom, whom I actually doing some work with is still programmed in my phone as "Sam's Parents". Their house phone shows up too. Finally, a few years ago, I added her name. As she said, "What, I get my OWN place in your phone?"

Her husband takes Duncan hunting. We spend holidays together. We've kinda raised our kids together.

No, no "kinda". We have been through all this together.

The other day, she told her husband, "If anything happens to me, you call Leasa. Make that your first call", "she will make sure everything is handled."

She told me (when telling me this story), "He looked at me like I was crazy".

That's okay.

I'll handle it. Us mom's have to stick together.

Decisions

Life really comes down to one thing.

A decision.

Yes or No. In or out. Good or bad.

Not one decision. We all make the wrong decision from time to time. But looking back, it was a decision that led us down the path to where we are standing.

Not a compilation of  many decisions.

One decision at a time.

You can't look back and think "well, I wouldn't be having to make this decision, if I had decided to go the other route, the other time."

Yes, one decision can lead to a better opportunity. Yes, a bad decision can lead you to have to make a choice that neither of the outcomes are favorable.

No, you can't change your mind if you have already implemented that decision.

However, you can make other better decisions based upon the fact, that you made a bad one first. Or maybe that was a good one first.

Either you are in, or you are out.

Make a decision.

Now, THAT was love

We all have different expectations of "love".

There is love from our parents.

Love from our friends.

Love from one of the opposite sex.

Then sometimes, there is this thing called "love". Love, where we just love someone. Not because we are related to them. Not because we even like them. 

You know, that Hollywood moment, when two people meet and LOVE each other.

I read a book by Dan Savage in the spring. Easy Read. Hysterical. Dan Savage is a sex columnist. He's married. To a man. He a has a son. He's been married for years. With his husband for years.

I didn't necessarily agree with everything he had to say. What I did like is, though, his honesty.

There is a part of the book that talks about divorce and "until death do us part". He was raised in a South Side Chicago neighborhood. Very Catholic. Where death was the only way out of a marriage.

To summarize, an Aunt put her head in the oven and died. And the family, "well, the marriage was great, then she died.".  

He then goes on to talk about "great marriages" and people loving each other. How come the only great marriages end with someone dying? What if, someone had a great run with each other. Then there were times that the other couldn't bare? Why does it have to end with death? 

Tonight I ran into a guy I dated ten years ago. Maybe 11. 

He's twenty years older than me. 

I think I told people he was only 15 years older than me.

We haven't seen each other in over 6 years ago.

He looks good.

We had a nice time catching up. In fact, it was perfect. He had a dinner to attend. We caught up.

There are friends of friends.

We have much in common.

We had a moment.

It was actually hard to say good-bye. 

What we had was quite an experience. A moment with highs and lows.

It lasted about a year. 

My kids were young. His kids were in high school. It was a moment in our lives. 

I'm not the one whom dates someone with kids. My kids have a great dad. My life is just fine. 

The funny thing is, "it" was still there tonight.

You know,

The, "I'm giggling."

I don't giggle.

The "wow", I'm still wondering how this worked out. In my mind.

By now, you would be old.

Of course, you were older than me when I met you. I loved you then too.

We dated over ten years ago. We didn't know what to do. You - wait, make that me. Didn't know what to do.

Looking back. We messed up.

Because, no matter what someone else has in their past. Isn't the future more valuable?

Once upon a time,

I loved you......

Everyone's doing it

For years, I said my life ran "counter-cyclical" to the rest of the world. This of course, is after I figured out that fact.

I've never been hip.
Or in the know.
Or had the latest and greatest - car/technology/clothes - you name it - if it's new/hot/in style, I can almost guarantee I WON'T have.

I do remember trying to be those things. I really wished and wanted to be THAT person. The one whom understood it all. Had the fashion sense. Liked the new technology. Embraced new things. Set trends.

Not who I am.

By, "counter-cyclical", I mean, the rest of the world is having a great year - well, no, not me. Either personally, career wise, or financially. It works the same for me to, in reverse.

The rest of the "world" (my world and the rest of the people too), have a not good year. I'll then have one of the best years on record.

Then I figured out, it's not really "counter-cyclical".

I decided, I'm ahead of the curve.

When the rest of the world's year starts to decline. I had that year, LAST YEAR. I start pulling out of a bad year, the world is about to rock bottom.

I never hit the summit. I can hit the bottom. I ride the waves.

Years ago, before the house swap. I had rented out my basement in the summer to a college/grad student coming to Denver for the summer.

I was a "risk" taker. People didn't really do this. Unless of course, it was truly "rental" property.  Now - there are entire websites dedicated to people whom will rent out a room/basement.  Companies that will "share" cars - CAR2GO UBER

Want to rent out that apartment?  Go to :  HomeAway, Vacation Rental By Owner, Craigslist

Want to change houses: HomeExchange , Craiglist

I got started on Craigslist. Of course, there have always been "want ads", but now we have morphed into a "sharing economy".

Everyone's doing it.

Same as before. Be careful. Be diligent.

Only, the funny things is, for the first time, in years, I'm actually having trouble finding someone to rent my basement for the summer. There are all sorts of rooms/spaces to rent for the summer.

I guess I turned out to be a trend-setter after all.

The Ghost

She's back

She's been gone for a LONG time. As I mean in "long time" as "years".

We use to joke around here we had a ghost in our house. Music would start playing. Electrical plugs all of a sudden wouldn't work. Other little things. Including, waking up in the middle of the night to Bob Marley playing on the computer.

Not the computer that is used on a regular basis.  You know, the one in the corner.

This hasn't happened FOREVER. In fact, the boys and I kind of thought whom our ghost "might be". About 2.5 years ago, all our "weird" - as we call our "ghost" activities stopped.

No random music. No clocks re-setting. Just living.

Then, well, the other night.

A friend of mine has a momma cat and kittens at her house. For a fraction of second, I actually thought "Well, Maybe I should take one".

In fact, I even requested the picture.

Then, I realized the kittens were only two weeks old. They looked like rats. In fact, the momma cat looked more appealing to me. But in my heart I also knew my friend and her family were in love with the momma cat.

As you see, we aren't big on babies around here.

That night, my 13 year old fat cat? He knocked over 2 plants and ran across my bed all night. Until of course, he fell asleep on my face.

No.

No kittens aloud. We get that.

AND

tonight?

I was sitting here, writing this blog.

My candle went out.

My phone started playing my favorite song (granted, that was the last song I heard)

The cat jumped down from the front window

Another plant fell over.

Seriously.

I don't believe in these things. I don't think.


I've been worried about a couple of friends of mine. I think my ghost is too.

She's back.....

Wild Child

No, this isn't about one of my kids. Or me either, at least not as a child.

It's about my Gypsy Soul.

You know, the one whom should really be in charge, but she can't. She's not responsible enough. She's the dreamer.

We just have to remember to let her out every once in a while.

For the last month, the career woman in me has been working 12 hour days - maybe 16 hour days. Waking up energized to get things done. Accomplish what she can. At least at work.

A friend called a couple of months ago and asked me to help streamline some things at her company. Then someone quit, someone needed to be hired. Another friend called and could add me to their payroll to recruit and fill some positions - on a retained hourly basis.

Imagine that. Actually getting paid for what I do. (Rates vary, but that way there is a guarantee).

Then next thing I know. Work is so busy, I can't see straight. The funny thing is, I nearly wrote "life is so busy". But "life" isn't really that busy - hockey season has ended. And well, the boys drive now, I have been complaining I was a little "bored".

I should know better.

So, I've been working. Working at work. Not "working" on finding a new adventure. A new "goal".

Just working.

Then I heard this song called "Wild Child" (sorry there will be a commercial first) and I had tears in my eyes. I listened to the song again. Another time with tears.

EVERY SINGLE TIME I hear the song. The same results. Water comes out my eyes. Every. Single. Time.

Usually when the career woman/hockey mom has been in charge for too long, the Gypsy Girl (or should I call her the Wild Child), comes screaming out. Pretending she doesn't care whom she makes cry. Wrecking havoc in our orchestrated little life.

This time, the career woman didn't "discipline" her wild child. She spoke softly. Patiently. With a voice of wisdom to a child.

Maybe that's the problem with adolescence. We didn't know those adults were right. We thought they were wrong. It's also the problem with adulthood, we need to learn to communicate with each other.

"Gypsy Girl, your time will come." loudly announced the career woman to the Wild Child. Then the career woman whispered, "I know you don't want me in charge, but you will have more freedoms soon, if you can let me be in charge now."

Shhh.......

Leaders know, the people they put in charge are actually more capable than them. They make the leaders better. The leaders know you hire people better than you.

"Gypsy, we are working on our transition" said only something a true leader can say.

An Exit Strategy

Planning for the end.

That makes no sense to me. "Why would we plan the ending? We don't even know the start. Or the middle. Much less how this is all going to end!"

2002, I bought a company. Actually, I bought two of them. It was part of my "mid-life" crisis. I leveraged my entire life. Took a risk.

I remember people telling me - "Plan your exit strategy". Thinking "No, I'm doing this!", "Why would I want to STOP doing this".  Isn't that the WHOLE point of jumping in? Moving forward?

We BUY in.

We are told to "buy in" to everything. Why would we want to plan to leave? Isn't that a little like saying "this isn't going to work?" A bit like a pre-nup? I promise to love you forever, but if forever comes sooner than we thought, here is how we are going to go down different roads without each other.

Why would I want an exit strategy?

Why would I want to EXIT a perfect place?

BECAUSE:

In business - as I've learned, we want to build up something that someone else wants - then when we need to know how to be rewarded for all our hard work, and go on.

When I was getting ready to do my first triathlon - that was 11 years ago this summer, by the way - a girlfriend of mine (whom had done many triathlons) kept telling me "Practice your transition".  (BTW, that's a swim, then a bike ride, then a run)

I thought, when we bought things. Oh wait, acquired things, earned things, agreed to things - they were ours to keep.

Forever.

But that's not true.

Things are just temporary.

Experiences are forever. Feelings are forever. Some feelings change over time.

At some point, you must learn to exit. The water. Get off the bike. Or stop running.

There is a finish line ahead.

or another start line......

Make sure you have a strategy.

It's not a bad thing.