In the last six years, the longest time I went without writing would be a couple of weeks. The posts after the gaps might not be life changing, but were there. Words. Words out loud - instead of loud in the head.
The occurrence didn't even pop up on my radar screen. There was no:
- I need to write
- Write this down
- There are thoughts here. Thoughts the world needs to see.
Survival mode.
That's what I'm calling it.
Trying to protect myself. Yet, prepare myself. All at once.
Terrified.
That's the real feeling.
- Both boys leaving at once.
- Living on my own.
- Scared that something might happen to one of them.
I don't do well with transitions - the movement from there to here. I would much rather BE THERE. After here. Not the journey of getting there.
But in my heart I know:
- We are all supposed to leave - find our next great spot. Change is a good thing - even if we fight it.
- There is nothing wrong with living alone - unless of course, it makes you feel isolated - then other people need to help you - not tell you what you are feeling is wrong.
- Something could happen to anyone one of us. Any given day. I can't control the safety of my children. Or my relatives. Or my family.
Being scared of the future is not a way we should live. There is a great big world out there. Beautiful wonderful people to meet. See. Enjoy.
I think it's time, to try this again..........
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