My leg

Get into the ocean.

It's cleansing. It's the only place to be.

Only, on you last day, you climb into the boat and the woman in front you of you says,

You have a staph infection on your leg.

What are you talking about?

There are a couple of spider bites that have become infected on my leg. There are no venomous spiders on the island. 

Long story short:

I have a staph infection going up and down up leg. I've been on antibiotics since I got home from the island.

I've gained 15 pounds. As I am sure, these antibiotics are doing what they are supposed to be doing.

My legs.

They look great.

My legs are healed.

Only one little spot, that still looks a cigarette  burn.

Much like the rest of my life, I'm almost there.

I'm taking my left leg with me.

No babies, No puppies, No kittens

There aren't many "rules" in our house.

Many "guidelines". This is because when the children were young - there were rules. Hard. Fast. Strict. Rules to obey.

I hate using this phrase, but someone once told me, a "well trained puppy gets more freedom later on - you know you can trust them.".

I'm not comparing children to puppies or vice versa. Basically, it means, do your job right the first time, then they get freedoms.

We all need structure. We all need limits. Even if we can't admit it. We all like to know there are boundaries in life.

The only consistent rule around here has been:

 "No babies. No puppies. No kittens."

I figure it's a pretty simple rule.

Our cat is almost either 11 or 12, depending on whom is telling the story. He was a shelter kitty - he was around 1 and a half. We then argue if we've been in the house 11 or 10 years, or sometimes 12. We got him in February. We think his birthday is August ish. So really, I think he's turning 13. Regardless, he wasn't a kitten.

No babies has been a no brainer. This rule applied to mom. The rule applies to the boys too. No babies around here - let's keep it that way.

Which brings us to a puppy.

Nolan has been asking for a puppy for at least 5 years. I just explain the "Cardinal Rules" around here. One of them being:

"No babies. No puppies. No kittens."

This is also non-negotiable. You have a dog at your dads house.

EXCEPT..... I had a moment of weakness. A moment where I think we can compromise.

A friend from the club raises CCI puppies. (Canine Companions for Independence). My friend whom inspires me on a daily basis. She bikes, she swims, she has other recreational activities too, and she has a CCI dog - she's turning in her second. She gets a third around January.

I was having a meltdown at the club one day. She suggested I go look at doing this.

SO - well, yes....

We had an interview. We had a home visit. There are very strict rules.

We don't get to name it. We go the airport and pick up our puppy - either on a Wednesday or a Friday, after we get "the call"

We go to training twice a month. We train this puppy for 12 - 18 months, then it goes to advance training for 6 months. Then we go to a ceremony in San Diego and present our dog to a person whom needs this companion - wheelchair bound, veteran, or need for assistance or a companion. 

There are very strict rules. Nolan can take the puppy to school. He can put this on his college application as volunteer work. So can I.

This dog needs to go with us as many places as possible. This puppy can stay with another CCI family while we go out of town for the weekend. The week. The month......

NO - is the answer to your question. I'm not getting attached. YES, it will be hard to say good-bye. It will be hard to send them on their journey to go help the person they are supposed to help.

I'll send care packages. I'll send Christmas Cards. But I know I will have my done my job.

We are on the "list". Waiting for our call. Breaking rule #1 around here.

(PS - If he/she doesn't "pass" advanced training, we have "first right of refusal" to keep the dog. If we choose not to, we can name a family whom can adopt the dog for $500. But I'm not worried, only 40% actually pass, but I'm a bit of an over-achiever. My  Nolan's CCI companion, is going to be the valedictorian.)  

My shoes

Once this summer - about two weeks in - I had opened the extra closet. I spotted a suitcase and a pair of wedge shoes.

I distinctly remember thinking - "Wow. They leave an extra suitcase here." Then I smile. Realizing they are my suitcase and shoes.

The night I left, I put the shoes on. Packed my clothes in the suitcase. Threw away my old running shoes, my worn out flip flops too

Basically, I had the shoes on my feet and the clothes in my bag.

Liberating, yet knowing I didn't need to bring anything back.

I get to the airport. I check my bag and as I walk to security, my ankle turns. My shoe breaks.

You know, those grown up shoes. WC doesn't know how to walk in them.

We couldn't finish our island visit in grown-up shoes.

The shoes break. My bag is checked.

I'm barefooted.

I climb the open-aired stairs to my first class seat. Barefooted.

Just like our Wild Child would have wanted.



(OK - when I made it past security, there was the whole ONE store at the Kona airport. No slippas (Flip flops))

I got on the plane. Washed my feet and put on a pair of socks. (as they are needed for over night flights) When I got to LA, the bookstore there sold flip flops.

I traveled 7000 miles round trip and came home with only a pair of flip flops to remind us WC is happily living on the island without shoes......

The teenage years

The children I gave birth to, have turned into teenagers.

They are ornery, good looking, smelly, charming, angry, happy, and I'm sure I'm missing a few of the personalities emerging on a daily (hourly) basis.

Wait, they told me those were all the signs of menopause? You mean we are all going to go through this at the same time around here? Oh Hell No!

I figure, I've been pretty lucky. Numerous friends have complained about their teenagers for years. Including all of the above symptoms.

Maybe it's because I have boys. And my daughter, well, she's not here day to day.

(On a side not about the daughter - she told me her dad asked something about me. She replied, "I think if you want the answer to that question, you should ask her yourself." As the Island Mama, I loved this response. As the mother of teenagers, "OH FOR GOD SAKE!".  Love the attitude - yah, no.

I feel lucky. I'm at the end of the teenage years, and it's just now ___________.   (I tried to think of a word, but there isn't one. Tiring, Languorous, Exhausting, ????? that fits.

Other friends have been dealing with this for years.

I had one son whom didn't come to Hawaii this summer. It was his choice.

Although, two nights ago, we were watching a Hawaiian movie and he says, "I really missed out this summer by not going. I'll go next summer, if you go."

I didn't smile. The only comment I made was "I can't believe you just told me that."

The next day, I did tell him, "It takes a big person to say they made a mistake."

He replies, "I didn't make a mistake. I would now just make different choices,"

"I'm still proud of you. It's not easy to admit you wanted to do something else."

And this too, shall pass........

At once

By far, this has been the easiest transition I've ever had back home.

Not that it's been a piece of cake, but a better transition from the islands back to Denver than ever before.

Yes, I miss my carefree days.

Yes, I miss paddling every morning.

I miss my sunsets. I miss the water. I miss my new friends - and my friends I've known for years.

I missed my friends in Denver too.

I missed my kids.

I missed the day to day interactions.

Denver is an incredible place.

This time, I realized, I don't have to choose. In fact, in a few years, I will GET to choose what I'm doing with some time in my life.

I've thought it was a "trap" - sometimes, I felt stuck. Even though my life is wonderful on both sides of the world. It was like I had to choose.

One or the other. Hawaii or Denver. Kids or no kids. Career or no career.

Really, I can have it all.

We just have to remember - everyone has been saying this for years.

WE (a collective society) want it ALL. Not only do we want it ALL, we want it ALL RIGHT NOW.

Life doesn't work that way. Or at least for me. Or at least for the majority of the people we all know.

You can have it all.

You JUST CAN'T have it all at once.

I can't live in Denver and Hawaii and have the lifestyle I want and be the mom that I want to be.

HOWEVER, I can be in Hawaii part of the time. I do get to go. I get a break. I get my freedom with my career, but not up the corporate ladder. My "time" with daily interaction with my boys is winding to a close. They get to go live their lives. I would miss all that if I wasn't in Denver.

I can have it all.

I do have it all.

Just not all at once.

(Someone please remind me I was okay with all this in the middle of February!)

One last time

When you pack, the first time you go through the house, you put everything out that you must take.

Then you start putting things in a pile you can give away.

The battle then becomes, what do I really want? Want to I want to give away?

When you are packing to go pack from a trip, pretty much the same thing happens.

THEN, there is the final walk through. The "what drawer did I forget to check". "What closet did I not open."

One last time. Double check.

You never know what you might have almost missed. If you didn't check. One last time.

I'm packed.

My suitcases are over-flowing. Which is really funny, as I don't think I wore any clothes this trip.

In fact, there was a whole drawer with clothes never worn this trip.

I threw away my paddling clothes. An old pair of running shoes.

Then one last walk through.

In the closet sat a pair of shoes. A pair I nearly left behind.

Shoes that didn't even enter my level of conscience.

The pair of wedges.

Those heels, I thought belonged to someone else.

I actually smiled when seeing them there. Like they belonged to someone else.

I slipped them on. My flips flops are at the door.

Summer Camp

At the start of summer, I went to summer camp.

No. I did not send my kids to summer camp. They wanted to stay home. Hang with their friends.

I told them to then, well, stay. But, I'm going.

A fine line.

Letting go. Hanging on. All at once.

Letting the kids have their freedom to live their lives. Stay with their dad. Hang with friends. See their grandparents. After all, they have spent their entire life hanging out with me.

Let them go.

They didn't want to go to camp. With or without me.

Part of me says, "They are more like their dad - not as adventurous as I am" But, that's not the truth. They are learning to be their own person.  Maybe they don't want to go to camp.

But, I'm going.

So, I went.

For five weeks.

Nolan came out for a week. Lily came out for a bit too - as she really is part of the family. As we always knew she would forever be.

The summer has been great. Every summer has been different. All with a bit of summer magic.

Once, about 3 weeks ago, I opened the other side of the closet. There was a blue suitcase and a pair of wedge platform shoes. "Hmm", I remember thinking. "I can't believe these people leave a suitcase here."

It only took me a couple of seconds. Then I smiled. I realized, that was my suitcase. Those were also my shoes.

That stuff seemed so out of place.

There was a party Saturday night for the residents of my condo complex. Tonight, after paddling this morning. Working. Spending some time at the beach. I took my bike to the property managers house. (I guess, technically, he would be the camp counselor).

Some others were sitting around. We all had a beer. He will take care of my bike. We talked about the summer. We didn't sing any camp songs. But it wouldn't have surprised me if we had.

The property manager gave me his card. He and his girlfriend leave next week for a month back on the mainland.

I told him, "When you are ready to move on, let me know. I want your job. "

I told the story of the original swap and how we ended up here. He gave me his card. "E-mail me when you get back. Let's figure out when we can do a swap. We'd love to come to Denver."

Now, I'm supposed to be packing. I'm supposed to be saying good-bye to my summer camp boyfriend. Taking the red-eye plane back to a wonderful place with wonderful people.

I've always had a thing for summer camp.