Emotions

Emotions and grief are strange "bedfellows"

bed·fel·low

ˈbedˌfelō/

noun

plural noun: bedfellows

1. a person who shares a bed with another.

   • a person or thing allied or closely connected with another.

     "the treaty will make strange bedfellows of a number of enemies"

A term I remember from some independent film I watched. But then what is life, but made up of emotions???

I guess grief is an emotion. We have no control over our emotions. We can learn how to manage the emotions, deal with them, ignore them.

Yesterday, at my favorite restaurant/bar in the whole world. Overlooking the Pacific Ocean, live music flowing in the background. People you know, yet, don't know at all.

Suddenly, I'm sitting watching the sunset. Crying like a baby. Crying because I'm SOOOO lucky. I'm still SOOO sad for my friends who lost their sons. Sad and Happy all at the exact moment for my kids and the new adventures in which they will soon embark. Happy that I have figured out how to work my life - work and play all at the same moment. SOOO happy that when I wake up in the morning, I get to go paddle.

The lady two seats down finally asked if I was okay.

I nodded. Through the tears, I explained I needed a second. But I wasn't sure if I would ever make it back here.

Then explained my last year. (she might be sorry she asked :-)) Her husband passed 13 years ago. They were married for 45 years. She moved out in January to be close to her daughter, as well, it was time to make a change. Her daughter is my age. I might even have someone I can set her up with..... Hmmmm.....

I invited her to canoe club. She's not done it before. She's excited to try a new thing.

But I had to make an agreement: If she goes to canoe club, I have to go swim laps on the off days with her - and I have to pass the 5th buoy.

After all, I will have a buddy. (As you shouldn't swim by yourself)

Emotions connect all sorts of people.

When did you get back?

I landed in Kona yesterday.

Ready to go. A "hot mess" is the phrase they use these days.

I wanted to "relax". But there were errands to do. Unpack. Get settled.

Let Gypsy girl come out.

And she did.....

I walked into Huggo's - a bar in town that is right on the sand.

There is a lady sitting at the corner of the bar. Swear to you, two years ago, that is where she was sitting when I left.

There are several locals. A place where it seemed a time warp had occured.

Dj (the lady at the corner) says to me, "Do you know Dennis? He's the bartender."

Dennis looks up and says to me, "When did you get back?"

We've missed each other

Dear Gypsy,

There is SO much to tell. I left you on this island two years ago. You said you weren't going back with me,

I let you stay.

I let you know it was okay.

I also was told no matter what I thought/did/felt, you weren't coming back.

Maybe one of the hardest things about parenting. My opinion was "nice", but not needed.

Oh how so much has changed since I last left you. Tons that make me happy. Tons that have hardened my heart in a way that will never heal. But, you, might sweet girl, might just understand.

I needed you. And, sadly for me, you didn't quite need me in the way I needed you. That actually makes me happy.

What kind of mom would I be if I couldn't let my Gypsy Soul go fly like she should?

I'll be fine. Don't worry about me.

Thanks for the HUGE welcome home today. I didn't realize how much I had missed you.

I landed on the island. One of your Craigslist friends rented me their car for the summer. They picked me up. I had to drop them off.

It took me hours to realize all we had of each other was a phone number. No insurance. No id's. Two people trading cash for a car. I'm trusting you to believe this car isn't stolen.

I guess, they are trusting you, everything is going to be okay.

I wanted the beach. I wanted shit done. I wanted to be back in a moment that no longer exists.

They weren't the best summers of the boys lives. They were the best summers of my life.

You looked at me, with those big blues eyes and said:

Mama, have you learned nothing over the years?

We will be there shortly. 

Oh, Gypsy Girl, I've missed you....

Scheduling

Today, Thursday, June 1, 2017, I was on a conference call.

A conference call with a client "hiring manager". The roles have been very difficult to fill. In over a year, this group has not hired one person.

In the last two months, we've hired two people.

The team is finally in our groove. Making things happen.

We have 6 new positions opening up, for different departments, but the same person is going to be in charge.

DAMN.

I thought we were almost there.  A "reprieve" so to speak.

The hiring manager says to me today, "Arrange a call for us to speak next week to discuss the requirements of the new positions."

Last week my youngest son graduated from high school. I hosted a party at my house. Tons of out of town company. A way over scheduled - and committed to things I couldn't keep, couple of weeks.

The house is almost ready to go for the summer. I'm running out of daylight. A phrase I have loved for years.

In corporate America, you can look and see when someone has things blocked out on their schedule. You know what works with yours, and if they are blocked out or have time available.

It sounds pretty complex, but does make life much easier. Let me look at your calendar.

SO, I look......

Well, he has some time on Mon & Tues, but I'm in California those days and I'm not quite sure what we will be doing yet. I want to work, but make sure it's early so we have the day free.

I can't do Wednesday as I'm traveling that day.

Thursday looks good - Oh, he has some time too.

BUT WAIT!!!!! I can't do Thursday morning - BECAUSE, I WILL BE AT CANOE CLUB!!

There have been many happy moments these last few weeks. As in the happiest moments in a year.

BUT, this one was my favorite.

Good thing there was some time available Thursday afternoon. No one has to know I'll have my swimsuit on......

Prom Night Stress

Senior prom for East High School was last week.

It it a day the almost/half-way grown "kids" play grown up.

• Tuxedos
• Formal gowns
• Pictures
• Pre-Prom Pictures
• Limos
• Party Buses
• Groups of friends all going out to have dinner/dance/party

Not sure if this is strictly an American custom, but at East High, the "young adults" all meet at this beautiful park to take pictures. All the parents are there. 

Of course, these are generalizations. I'm sure some kid is sitting at home. Didn't want to go. Wasn't invited. To nervous to ask someone. Not part of any "group". Easier to sit home alone. Or not go and go do other things.

As I was walking away from pre-prom pictures. In the middle of a city park. In the middle of Denver. A guy stopped me.

German accent asking me what was going on.

I explained. 

He had no idea how to relate. I guess. Or maybe there was a longing in his eyes of a different time.

Then some parents of other prom attendees went to dinner. We then went to the "after-prom" while the kids were at the real prom.

The school is transformed into a magical place.

About a week before prom, at a hockey game, Nolan's date was there. I asked her if she was "ready for prom".

The reply:

I'm really stressed. I hope I can get it all done.

All I could do was smile.

Oh, how I would love to be stressed about prom.

A day or so after prom, I was talking to the mom down the street whom 14-year old son was killed last summer.

I was telling her the story of the "prom stress" and how I "would love to be stressed about prom".

We all have different stresses.

She goes on to tell me.

It's always prom day to someone.

It took me a minute.

My stresses can be complex, but they are nothing compared to hers.

Hers are nothing (as she told me), are nothing compared to another neighbor whom has a mentally and physically disabled child. The child is now 26 and still wears a diaper. Yet, her neighbor is the most positive person she knows.

And yet those are "nothing" (if we are going to compare) to someone in Africa whom lives in a mud hut and doesn't have running water.

It will always be prom night to someone - from someones perspective.

SO, may I wish each and everyone of you - Prom Night Stress.

 

Trying

Truly now understand when someone says "I can't write"

The words are there, they just won't come out in an order anyone might be able to comprehend. I have a few good story ideas,

Not ideas that may be formulated into full sentences.

Maybet that's the problem.

Quit trying.

Do.

But, oh, there is so much alive that the world needs to hear.

My favorite question lately:

What are you doing next?

I have crafted my response:

I'm moving to Hollywood. I'm going to be the next Diana Keaton. Then Betty White.

Life is JUST begining.......

 

What's in it for me?

As a society (generalizing here), we have become more and more self-centered.

Expectations of customer service have gone through the roof. I'm not just talking about at high end places, but fast food restaurants, gas stations, pharmacies.

• What's in it for me?
• Am I going to be inconvenienced?
• Why should I sacrifice something for you?
• Everything really needs to be perfect. 

ALL THE TIME

We now want what we want, right now. And perfect.

Several months ago a candidate reached out to me to see if I could help her secure and interview with my employer. I got her information to the correct people. She didn't get the job. I did what I could to help.

Fast forward a month later, I called her to see if she would be interested in a couple of different recruiting opportunities.

Not a word from her.

A month so later, she reached out. Apologized for not calling me back. Then asked if I could help her husband out. She sent me his resume.

I sent her e-mail to one person, then let it go. She called me when she needed something, but when I called her, it didn't fit her needs.

Today, I received an e-mail again asking me if I can help her.

Relationships - both professional and personal - they are two way streets. We have to give in order to get. Not the other way around.

When I call candidates, the first thing I ask is "what can I do for you??"

We've forgotten this as a society.

With the latest United debacle, I think this is part of the case.

Yes, United was wrong. So was the passenger. Sorry, my needs are greater than yours.

Remember this the next time you ask for a favor. Perhaps, start with, "I really appreciate all your help. Ask for your favor." - then respond with "What may I do for you?"

And when you are in line and the clerk is slow, your food arrives a couple of minutes late - sit and breathe. We aren't starving after all.