A Career

Once upon a time, I had a very successful career - you know, one that pays you good money.  Rewards you with incentive trips to thank you for your hard work.  Good benefits.  Competitive pay.

Promotions.

Increases in titles.

I was totally that girl - "you want me to be the best sales person/recruiter in the nation?"  "Okay"  Consider it done.  I didn't necesarrily need to be the best, I just wasn't going to be "not the best".  There is a difference.

You can strive to be the best - or you can care less - BUT, for me, I just don't want you to be better than me.

The year I gave birth to Nolan, I was the #1 recruiter in the nation - I was on maternity leave for 3 months.

The funny thing is, I don't really care - I'm happy when people are "better" or " more successful" than me.  What bothers me is when you don't think I'm capable of being what I am.

I am good.  No matter what I do.  Period.

Lately,  I've been on this "do I need to get a job again?", a "do I need a "Career".  - You know, the leader, the one in charge.

I've gone back and forth.

It's time.  I can do this.  Take the corporate job.  Make a heck of a lot of money.  Wear a suit Monday thru Friday 8 - 5 every week.

Great money.  Great benefits.  Great, well, life.

THEN, well, no - no one calls.  No one tells me I should join them.

But, Tuesday - I had a client meeting here in Denver.  It took me an hour to get there.  My car might need to brakes.  Or it might be tires.  I don't know.  I just know, I don't drive very much.

THEN, on Wednesday, I flew to Salt Lake City, Utah for the day.  To meet with people whom, if I really told you these stories, you wouldn't believe me.  As, the moment one CEO is telling me that his current wife was the chief general counsel for four sitting presidents (YES, of the USA), but now she runs a private practice).

REALLY, I can't make this stuff up.

Even though we aren't going to Hawaii, this is what I can tell you:

• I balance on the fence all the time of "what the hell am I doing? and I was supposed to do this all along"
• I think I should "get a job" and work in the corporate world for a few years.  
• I'm really good at what I do.
• You can't make the shit up in my life that happens.

As I woke up this morning, I was exhausted.  I'm in a beautiful city.  And when I had that moment that I thought I wanted a "career" - I've had the best career ever.  

I'm a mom.

I wouldn't have made it again in the real world.  I'm not sure I'm going to make it during the next phase.  But, the girl whom thought she could wear a suit ever day and jet place from place to place??? She's exhausted.

Well, she was wrong too. And as I put on my running clothes to work this morning, well......

Hmmmmm.  Waiting table's might not be so bad........