Fran, that's not what I meant

Recently I went to Houston, Texas to visit.

I hadn't been in a while.  In fact, it had been over a year.  Carolyn had been to visit.  I went last February/March to say good-bye to a very special lady.

While I didn't get to go to the services to celebrate her life, I was able to go say good-bye in person.  Yet, part of me still didn't feel complete in wrapping everything up.

This time, I went for fun.  To see my God-daughter, to see her family.  To see everyone.  To also go see the memorial.

A funny thing happened, my dad's wife recognized a friend of my friend Carolyn - she called saying "Will you ask Carolyn if so and so used to live in Phoenix?".  Long story short - the couple whom lives across the street from my best friend, met my dad and his wife on a golfing trip 15 years ago in North Carolina.  (We will call them "the neighbors")

In fact, I had remembered meeting the wife of "the neighbors" before.  It's a really small world we live in.

Now stay with me - this story is going to get complicated, but it's really not a complicated story.

THEN, Carolyn has a friend whom is trying to figure out where she is in life.  She's married and has three kids, a great job and not very happy in her life.  Gee, I remember that feeling.  We will call her Betsy.

We made plans to go out on Friday night, to meet "the neighbors" and Betsy.  While trying to plan this evening, when someone asked me where I wanted to go, I replied "A place where there are rich single men". Carolyn got it arranged.  We are meeting everyone at 4:30.  (Don't ask me where I was - I was in a big city!)

In Houston, I decided it would be best if I met a new client.  I brought Carolyn with me.  I warned my clients I was bringing a friend

We go meet my client.  Then it's time to go see Mom (Fran).

We went to the memorial.  We called Dad and he came to meet us.

We ended up going back to Carolyn's childhood home.  We get out munchies.  We get out wine.  We are still getting our lectures, 20 years later from Dad.

Dad keeps talking.  Carolyn looks at me and says - with all the munchies and drinks before us - "Maybe we should have had everyone come over here."

Dad keeps talking

I do reply, "Well, I did say I wanted to go to a place with a single rich man.".  Then we laughed until we were crying.  Dad kept talking. Not caring we were laughing.  It made us laugh even harder.  Smile even more.  Cry a few more tears.

I looked up  "God, this isn't what I meant!"

Carolyn looked at me and said, "This one's from Fran".

Touche' Fran, Touche.

A happy medium

I might have found a happy medium.

I've been battling this "should I have a career again" versus "I really do love recruiting, only the up & down with the income is starting to take it's toll".  

The truth is, I don't really want a career.  I'm quite okay with out having a fancy title or all that responsibility either.  So then it comes down to me liking recruiting.

Recruiting is a love/hate relationship.  I'm good at it.  People are psycho.  Companies change their minds. People do too.

When it comes down to it, (at least for a bit), I need to recruit and I need steady income.

Short of marrying some guy so I don't have to work, I need to figure this out.

And, I may have found it.

There is a Denver based recruiting company and all their recruiters work at home.  They can't offer me the money I would need to do this full time with them, but we might be able to work together part-time.  There are monthly meetings.  A 20 person company.  Unlimited vacation.

I could keep recruiting on my own.  I could have a steady income working from home for them on a part-time basis.

Two offer letters went out to candidates today - for other clients.  I then spent 3 hours training with this new company.  I swam laps at the club pool for thirty minutes.  I made breakfast for my sons and their friends before they went to a day hockey camp.  I rode my bike.

I'm cooking dinner.  

There is a guy down the street whom owns a bike and likes to take me to dinner.

Maybe there is a happy medium.  At least for a moment.........

Blame the cat

We have a great, huge cat.  He's about 11 years old now.  He could be 12.  He found us at the shelter 10 years ago.

He thinks he's a dog.

He goes to the door when the doorbell rings.  You wake up in the morning to find him on his back, waiting for his belly to be rubbed.  He doesn't jump on the counters.  He only eats when we are all in the kitchen.

If you whistle, he will come.

But his one annoyance?  He likes to "circulate" his water.

Meaning, he puts his paw in the water, and moves the bowl.  Then of course, the next day, the water bowl is dirty as he has put his foot in the bowl.

He also let's our ghost in and out of the house.  He will push on the door to the garage until the point it sounds like he's "knocking" - we just say he lets the ghost in and out.

But, really, he gets blamed around here.

His food and water are right next to the refrigerator.  It's one of those fancy refrigerators with the freezer on the bottom.

I love this fridge.  Only, you have to REALLY make sure, you shut the bottom.

Today, it snowed in our freezer.  Then the freezer peed on the floor.

We thought the cat was trying to circulate his water, only he made a mess.  Turns out, I have teenagers in the house.  The door wasn't all the way shut.

I think it was the cats fault.

Granite & Golf Clubs

My kitchen has granite counter tops. There are golf clubs in my garage.

I love the granite counters.  The golf clubs I haven't touched in years.  Both of the boys caddy at the country club not far from us.  One plays golf and really loves the caddy experience.  One, well, he caddys', because the job isn't too bad.

My oldest son has a friend whom is adopted.  They have been friends since third grade.  Or really, I've known her mom since our kids were in third grade.  I think they are friends by association.

The mom never married.  She adopted her child when the mom was in her 40's.  They are beautiful wonderful people.

She fell in love once.  And then it didn't work out.

She went on with her life.  The mom has lived all over the world.  Experiences beyond belief.

One of the first stories she ever told me about her life was about falling in love.  She knew, that she had experienced love and the way she thought love was supposed to feel.

When she went on with her life - well, she kept going.  She hiked mountains - she sailed seas.  She a great career.  She adopted a daughter.

People ask her, still, all the time.  You didn't marry?  "No", she replies. " I knew what real love felt like. I wanted that feeling again".

"I wasn't going to settle for less"

"There were many times I could have been the woman with the great house, the country club membership and the fancy cars."  "I wanted more than that".

She adopted her daughter.  The man came back into her life.

This was years later - long after they had their love.

Then, a short time later - he had a heart attack and died.  He was married with a son living in China.

She lost the love of her life and no one knew it.  Whom could she tell?  The wife actually called her to tell her he had died.  She knew.  They both knew.

"I may have had him, but YOU, always had him".  Said the wife to my friend.

I'm not sure whom I'd rather be.

You know?  Those on/off again relationships?  The ones people tell you to run from?

Sometimes you know.  Sometimes you know a moment is worth more than day in and day out.  Worth more than tomorrow.  That some moment's are worth more than granite and golf clubs.

NEVER.GOING.TO.MAKE.IT

I have this great summer planned in Denver.

Denver is a WONDERFUL city.  In fact, did you know, people vacation here???? Yes, really!! There are incredible things to see.

Red Rocks.  Our mountains.  Our city.  It's a beautiful city.  And heck, marijuana is even legal here now.  (that part I don't really like - it's make the city stink.  Literally.)  Denver is.  Has always been.  "The new frontier".  "Headed West".

We have activities in the city - yoga in the park.  Every Thursday night downtown - for free!!  Running groups in the park near my house - there were 245 people signed in last week.  This was for a Wednesday night run!!

How could you ask for a better city????

And yet, today, one of the girls from Hawaii, well, it's her birthday.  I posted a picture of the four kids saying Happy Birthday.  She replied "It's going to be a different summer without you guys".

Then Lily posted a picture of all of them - several pictures.

I'm not ever going to make it through this summer.

Maybe it's just me.  Me wanting to be there for the girls whom came into my life.  It's me.  Wanting to enjoy those summers for one more moment.

With my kids.  All of them.

I do love Denver.  But, I'm not ever going to make it, if I don't get my July........

A Career

Once upon a time, I had a very successful career - you know, one that pays you good money.  Rewards you with incentive trips to thank you for your hard work.  Good benefits.  Competitive pay.

Promotions.

Increases in titles.

I was totally that girl - "you want me to be the best sales person/recruiter in the nation?"  "Okay"  Consider it done.  I didn't necesarrily need to be the best, I just wasn't going to be "not the best".  There is a difference.

You can strive to be the best - or you can care less - BUT, for me, I just don't want you to be better than me.

The year I gave birth to Nolan, I was the #1 recruiter in the nation - I was on maternity leave for 3 months.

The funny thing is, I don't really care - I'm happy when people are "better" or " more successful" than me.  What bothers me is when you don't think I'm capable of being what I am.

I am good.  No matter what I do.  Period.

Lately,  I've been on this "do I need to get a job again?", a "do I need a "Career".  - You know, the leader, the one in charge.

I've gone back and forth.

It's time.  I can do this.  Take the corporate job.  Make a heck of a lot of money.  Wear a suit Monday thru Friday 8 - 5 every week.

Great money.  Great benefits.  Great, well, life.

THEN, well, no - no one calls.  No one tells me I should join them.

But, Tuesday - I had a client meeting here in Denver.  It took me an hour to get there.  My car might need to brakes.  Or it might be tires.  I don't know.  I just know, I don't drive very much.

THEN, on Wednesday, I flew to Salt Lake City, Utah for the day.  To meet with people whom, if I really told you these stories, you wouldn't believe me.  As, the moment one CEO is telling me that his current wife was the chief general counsel for four sitting presidents (YES, of the USA), but now she runs a private practice).

REALLY, I can't make this stuff up.

Even though we aren't going to Hawaii, this is what I can tell you:

• I balance on the fence all the time of "what the hell am I doing? and I was supposed to do this all along"
• I think I should "get a job" and work in the corporate world for a few years.  
• I'm really good at what I do.
• You can't make the shit up in my life that happens.

As I woke up this morning, I was exhausted.  I'm in a beautiful city.  And when I had that moment that I thought I wanted a "career" - I've had the best career ever.  

I'm a mom.

I wouldn't have made it again in the real world.  I'm not sure I'm going to make it during the next phase.  But, the girl whom thought she could wear a suit ever day and jet place from place to place??? She's exhausted.

Well, she was wrong too. And as I put on my running clothes to work this morning, well......

Hmmmmm.  Waiting table's might not be so bad........

Stop the Bashing

We need to stop.

I realize I'm a female, I hear the female perspective on things.  But also, I'm a mom of boys. I hear things from their side too.

What we need to stop?  Is the hating on the opposite sex.

As women, we like to perfect.  (Of course, that is a stereotype).  I could be wrong.  In fact, I've been wrong lots in my life.  But I'm not wrong now.

Stop it.

Stop with the "men don't do this".  "Men should really do this".  "I need this, I want this and my husband/boyfriend/father-of-my-children should have done something else more than they were doing"/

Just STOP.  ALL of it.

Yes, I know.  If it always worked my way, I would be much happier too.  BUT, WHY oh WHY is my way better than his????

I get it.  I'm a girl.  My way is better.

But you know what????? I have two sons.  I would hate the fact that someone thought my son didn't live up to their expectations?  Actually, no, that's not true.  I would probably be disappointed about her expectations and she was crazy thinking my son didn't meet them.

SOOO, let's stop.  Here and now.

Let's have a "peace agreement"  - if you are going to say something negative about a man......I want to hear one about a women.

What?

You mean us women aren't perfect????

I know just as many women whom have been rotten to men as men whom have been rotten to women.  Only, we excuse the women.  We think (or maybe it's just me), they might be right.

I'm not saying put a guy on a pedatsel, but the real problem is that we have no roles.  We have no "identity".  I'm supposed to do this, you do this.  Instead, it's more of "let's all do this together."

What about this:

• Every time you hear someone "not compliment" the opposite sex, you defend it.  I'm not saying you have to start promoting equal rights.  Just think, "this is my son"  or "my daughter" for that moment.
• When your daughter or a friends mom says "Boys are just way".  Reply with "girls are just complainers".
• When you take a picture of you and your kid, and you wonder why a mom doesn't with her kids - that she just might be secure enough in herself to know having children isn't just about her.
• Remember, you don't have to bring someone else down, just to make you better.

I can't really get out what I'm trying to say, but remember, when you "tell someone" that person is not as "good as they should be", it's someone's kids.  It might be yours.

It might be mine.

If you need to bring someone down, to make yourself feel better - come talk to me.  Otherwise, take you insecurities out on someone else's child.  And it best be the person whom is staring you in the mirror.  Because,  this bashing isn't me.

I hope you find peace in your life.