Like I was dying

No, this trip to Hawaii wasn’t planned.  At least not well in advanced.  It was planned for about two whole weeks.  No one knew.

My boys were going to Texas.  My ex-husbands Aunt (whom I somehow got in the divorce) has breast cancer and is having an operation on Wednesday, but she had a whole group to help her. That being said, no kids, I work from home, no need to help family out at the moment……hmmm, what the hell am I going to do????

I’m going to go see a little boy in Hawaii

Only the little boy is 26. I babysat him many, many years ago.  The boys were put in a car to Texas.  Yes, they knew.  Then I told the grandparents they were in the car with.  They my dad’s wife told her sister, and well, we know how his works……

Maybe we need to hop over to the Big Island for a couple of days…….Maybe.

He has tons of stuff planned; he’s on leave for a week.  I’m staying two.

Friday morning, I get on my flight.  United.  Direct flight from Denver to Honolulu.  I’m not sure whom is more excited – him or me.

We sit on the runway for over an hour before they even tell us anything.  Apparently, there was something wrong with the cargo area – they couldn’t get the temperature under control.  There was a dog down there.  We went back to the gate.  They fixed it.  (The little boy I’m going to see told me to just put the dog on another plane – Actually, he told me to shoot the dog, but I wasn’t sure if I could actually write that).

We pushed out from the gate again.  They ran all the tests again.  We sat on the runway for another hour.  

We finally took off. 

Only, when you looked at the flight map on the TV, we were headed North to Wyoming.  Hmmm….. 

Usually, when you depart Denver, you head West.  Then South.  Towards the Ocean. 

Something wasn’t right.

The airplane was hot.  It wouldn’t cool off.  We heard a bang.  Then we smelled smoke.

THEN, our flight screen showed our flight time was only 20 minutes.  We were landing in Salt Lake City.

They then shut the tv’s down.  They shut the lights off.

We were over the mountains.  It was bumpy. As in big drops.  It took us over 45 minutes to get to Salt Lake City – and this was from the time they told us we were 15 minutes out of Salt Lake City.

We landed.

The plane was greeted by two fire trucks and another emergency vehicle.  The only saving point was they let us go to the gate.  I figured if it was really bad, they wouldn’t have let us pull up to the gate.  Dammit though, we didn’t get to slide down the slide!

Heck, I’m not in Hawaii, but I have incredible friends in Salt Lake City.

Richie came to pick me up.  We stopped and bought me a tooth brush – as, they didn’t give us our luggage.

Delayed a day.  Changed forever.

There are no more maybes in my life.  I’m either in or out.  Although, I’ve probably been pretty close to this way of life for a bit.

Not a good month for 777’s.

Because, when your plane catches on fire at 25,000 feet, and you actually get to land – and you survive…

THEN, you thrive.  (I first put in “get to thrive”, but there is no “get to” in life.  It’s just do”   I said this was my year to thrive.)

If you thought I lived my life with reckless abandonment before, you haven’t seen nothing…….  Just saying…….

Oh, Denver

I tried.

Really, I did. Denver, you are a beautiful city. A magnificent place on this Earth with incredible scenery, perfect weather and wonderful people.

Denver, Colorado is one of the most incredible cities to visit. To live in. To grow up in. We have four seasons.  We have a "city". We have any outdoor activity you could possibly want - year around.  Pick one.  (And by pick one, I mean a sport or a season). You can ski and golf on the same day.  (snow or water) What is your poison?

There are no bugs. There is no humidity. And holy hillbilly, pot is even legal. (Although truly, this makes me sad - as Colorado is now known across the WORLD for this - doesn't matter that we have everything else).

I HAVE so TRIED this summer.

• Bike rides
• Red Rock Concerts
• Hikes - look at this backdrop?  It's beautiful.
• Camping

Okay, well maybe, I haven't tried that hard.  But I pretended really hard that I tried really hard.

Just shows you, pretending will never get you there.

I will always love you, but you see, a few years ago, I cheated on you. Not only did I cheat - When I cheated, I fell in love.  That's the problem with having an affair - you can't always go back.

I'm sorry.  It sounds trite. It might sound pitiful, but I will always love you.

My love for something else does not diminish what we shared. I will treasure our love always.  I'm grateful for the love.

Because, I do truly LOVE you. I'm just not sure how much I like you.

If it's okay, I'd like to be friends. Friends whom understand we can have each other, yet, love other places too.

For now, as we transition into this next stage of our life, I would like to see you more than anyone else, but I think we both know it's time our relationship changes. Please understand. We've been faking it for a while.

Oh, Denver, as much I love you,

I love another place more.  

As much as I would like to apologize for my actions, I can't.  You will always have my heart, but another place came along and stole my soul.

And it's time I pay my soul a visit......

Want Ads

Remember when there were "want ads" in the newspaper?  Where you looked for jobs?  Where you MAILED in your resume?  Or you called and set an appointment to meet someone?  Or you just went in and applied for job?

I'm a recruiter by trade.  I tell people all the time:  "Less than 1% of people whom have jobs got the position by just applying".  Usually, it's a referral.  Or a recruiter/headhunter.  I don't remember what we did before LinkedIn and Job Boards.  I think we ran ads in the newspaper.

Previous to Craigslist, I had never been hired for a job if I applied for it.  My first job out of college, I sent resumes and cover letters to the Top 25 hotels in Houston looking for a meeting planning position.  One of the HR people called me and I was hired.

When I was hired into the recruiting industry, I had gone and applied at every temporary staffing service in town for temporary work.  They hired me to be a temporary in their office.  That was over 20 years ago.

My only exception to this rule?  My college job.

I was working at McDonald's in high school.  My roommate at the time, had a friend come down and stay with us for a weekend.  When I told him I was working at McDonald's - he told me I needed to quit.  I was better than that.  He pulled out the want ads - it was a Sunday and told me to look through it.  

Of course, I had no self confidence and the only other job I had was a camp counselor.  I found an add for a single dad looking for a baby-sitter for his two kids.  He was in school and also needed help with tutoring in Math.  I'm actually really good in Math.

They hired me.  

The third child was born the next summer - the wedding to the girlfriend was the following fall.

That was 27 years ago.  There is not a birthday, a Christmas or any other life changing event that goes by without a call from the family.

The oldest, I've seen her and now her kids for several summers when we used to go to the beach in Texas. The middle child I hear from on occasion.  The youngest - well, we call him "my first born".  I hear from him all the time.  

He was the ring bearer in my wedding.  Last year, I got to see him for an afternoon.  But tomorrow, he's picking me up at the airport - and I'm staying with him for two weeks.

I'm not sure whom is more excited.

I called his dad today and told him "thank you"  for running that ad in the paper all those years ago.  The dad replies, "We don't know what we would have done without you."  "No" I responded, "I don't know what I would have done without you."

Appreciation

In life, we don't need someone to tell us the good job we are doing.

We just need people to tell us, "I appreciate you".

Thank how far that would go.

"I appreciate what you did for me!"

You picked up my mail.

You went grocery shopping for me.

You did ANYTHING for me.

I appreciate you.

People don't say thank you often enough.

People take for granted what others do for them.

You need to come to my house with your dogs?  Okay, that works too.

You need to come to my house in July instead of October?

That works too.

Just appreciate that we are both adaptable.  Because, I will be appreciate you.

People are in my house

Even though I still have my kids whom live at home, they are with their dad for 50% of the time.  That means for 50% of the time, I live by myself.

Only I don't .

During the "50% of my free time" - I still spend on dr appts, hockey games and other activities.  Of course, I work more during that time, so I can be home with my kids, but society seems to think I have more time.

And, of course, I do.

Then, people come visit.

Relatives come visit with you.

Then there are parents in your house.  Teenagers in your house.  People never going away.

For years, I actually said, "I'm not sure how full time parents do it".  But then again, "I'm not sure I could be a a parent whom didn't live in the same city as my kids".

For me, this worked out.  My kids are "always with me".  Of course, so is everyone I love, but for someone whom lives alone part of the time, right now, there are people in my house. Lots of people!

And they have been here for a week!!!!

Windshields

"Some days, you are the windshield.  Some days, you are the bug"

Do you ever drive down back roads and find all you really see is bugs flying in your face? Wait, this actually happens on main roads too.

The windshield gets dirty.

When I was a kid, my dad always said when a bug hit the windshield "You know what was the last thing that went through that's bugs mind?"  "His, ass"

Geeve Um! ;-)

Then I remember learning the quote, "Some days you are the windshield, some days you are the bug".

I always thought it was better to be the windshield.  You are the protector.  You are are one whom keeps other things out.  I thought it would be bad to be the bug.

Then, yesterday, I was the windshield.

There was more shit thrown at me from people whom had no one else to blame other than me for their problems.

I'm a happy person.  And really, whom blames other people for their own unhappiness?  First, you should look in the mirror.

So, I was the windshield.

All I can tell you, is that all these years I thought the windshield was better than being the bug. I was wrong.

Restrictions

It's funny, when you can't have something - you want it more.  Is that just human nature?

There are several historical references on this  - from the Greeks - it's Pandora.  (And Pandora didn't actually open a box, but a jar).  From Biblical times, it's Adam and Eve.

Part of my giving up my morning addiction habit, I'm giving up more than the caffeine.  I'm also addicted to the habit.  Also addicted to all that other crap in the energy drink.

SO.........

This week, I've been following the formula of:

• No sugar substitutes
• No gluten
• No dairy
• No soy
• No corn

I forget the others, I figure, if I don't all I will be eating is spinach or some type of lettuce, but I can't eliminate everything in my life.

It's funny, the only thing I've really missed is my morning soda - so, I did have a club soda.  There is also a drink out there called Hi Ball (hiballer.com)  which is basically club soda with caffeine - which I've been waiting for FOR years.

I'm not substituting, I'm also not restricting myself.  I'm just not participating in a couple of things right now.

Oh, yeah - I'm sure alcohol is on the list of restrictions, (there are seven total) and that's been eliminated too.

I have been sleeping better.

Now I just dream of cheese. Or some other thing we aren't supposed to want.  The truth is my fridge is stocked with all of the things above. I can have anything I want, anytime I want.  I'm just going to wait for it. Or eliminate it from my wants.  But, my restricting it, I would want it more.