People are in my house

Even though I still have my kids whom live at home, they are with their dad for 50% of the time.  That means for 50% of the time, I live by myself.

Only I don't .

During the "50% of my free time" - I still spend on dr appts, hockey games and other activities.  Of course, I work more during that time, so I can be home with my kids, but society seems to think I have more time.

And, of course, I do.

Then, people come visit.

Relatives come visit with you.

Then there are parents in your house.  Teenagers in your house.  People never going away.

For years, I actually said, "I'm not sure how full time parents do it".  But then again, "I'm not sure I could be a a parent whom didn't live in the same city as my kids".

For me, this worked out.  My kids are "always with me".  Of course, so is everyone I love, but for someone whom lives alone part of the time, right now, there are people in my house. Lots of people!

And they have been here for a week!!!!

Windshields

"Some days, you are the windshield.  Some days, you are the bug"

Do you ever drive down back roads and find all you really see is bugs flying in your face? Wait, this actually happens on main roads too.

The windshield gets dirty.

When I was a kid, my dad always said when a bug hit the windshield "You know what was the last thing that went through that's bugs mind?"  "His, ass"

Geeve Um! ;-)

Then I remember learning the quote, "Some days you are the windshield, some days you are the bug".

I always thought it was better to be the windshield.  You are the protector.  You are are one whom keeps other things out.  I thought it would be bad to be the bug.

Then, yesterday, I was the windshield.

There was more shit thrown at me from people whom had no one else to blame other than me for their problems.

I'm a happy person.  And really, whom blames other people for their own unhappiness?  First, you should look in the mirror.

So, I was the windshield.

All I can tell you, is that all these years I thought the windshield was better than being the bug. I was wrong.

Restrictions

It's funny, when you can't have something - you want it more.  Is that just human nature?

There are several historical references on this  - from the Greeks - it's Pandora.  (And Pandora didn't actually open a box, but a jar).  From Biblical times, it's Adam and Eve.

Part of my giving up my morning addiction habit, I'm giving up more than the caffeine.  I'm also addicted to the habit.  Also addicted to all that other crap in the energy drink.

SO.........

This week, I've been following the formula of:

• No sugar substitutes
• No gluten
• No dairy
• No soy
• No corn

I forget the others, I figure, if I don't all I will be eating is spinach or some type of lettuce, but I can't eliminate everything in my life.

It's funny, the only thing I've really missed is my morning soda - so, I did have a club soda.  There is also a drink out there called Hi Ball (hiballer.com)  which is basically club soda with caffeine - which I've been waiting for FOR years.

I'm not substituting, I'm also not restricting myself.  I'm just not participating in a couple of things right now.

Oh, yeah - I'm sure alcohol is on the list of restrictions, (there are seven total) and that's been eliminated too.

I have been sleeping better.

Now I just dream of cheese. Or some other thing we aren't supposed to want.  The truth is my fridge is stocked with all of the things above. I can have anything I want, anytime I want.  I'm just going to wait for it. Or eliminate it from my wants.  But, my restricting it, I would want it more.

Cold Turkey

I don't drink coffee.

I love the smell of coffee.  But, for me, it's hot.  And unless, I'm freezing - I don't want anything hot to drink.  And by freezing, meaning I've been out in the cold and am about to have frost bite.  Even then, I don't want coffee - I want to go to the steam room at my club and stand there until I'm warm.

Coffee is served a million different ways.  To me though, unless you drink it black - that's not drinking coffee. That is some coffee drink.  You know the one where you add milk and flavor and a million other things. That is NOT coffee.

No, I grew up drinking sodas in the morning.  In fact, up until about 5 or 6 years ago, I don't ever remember not having a soda in the morning.

What is even worse, I would like it from the fountain.  Meaning a stop at a convenience store on the way to work every day.

I was fine with it, but realized too, that's a pain.

One year for Lent, I gave up my soda's.  I did fine.  In fact, I never went back.

Only I replaced it at the end of Lent with one of those Diet Energy Drinks.  Now that I think about it - it was probably longer ago than that, maybe 8 years ago.

I would periodically stop drinking those too - only to try and drink ice tea or a soda or diet soda here and there.

The truth is, I never really broke the habit.

I only have one a day.  First thing in the morning.  Sometimes, I would have two (not very often) - or a soda now and then.

Truth is, I don't like sodas anymore.  And really, I call my diet energy drink "My cancer in a can".  There is not one thing in that can of nutritional value or that isn't synthetic....

So, I stopped.  Well, the last one I had was on Saturday.  It's now Tuesday.

Yes, I've had a few headaches and keep wanting to take naps, but I think I may be through the hump.

This time, I didn't try to substitute it for anything else.  It's all or nothing.  Let's see how long this can last....

Lead with your heart

I have two nephews.  They are twins - only they look nothing a like - in fact, they even have their own birthdays.  (One was born before midnight, the other after)

My sister and I were not close as children.  Not really even close as adults.  But now, we are bit closer than we used to be - as I think we realize we might be the only sane ones we are related too, and that is probably even stretching it a bit.  (Us being the sane ones, that is)

Truth be told, I'm not that close to my nephews either.  But they are good kids and my sons have a GREAT relationship with their cousins.  I guess the fact that they are all boys.  All have Irish/Scottish names and ALL of the same grand-parents would make them, by default close.  In fact, genetically they are really half brothers - as my sister and I married brothers.   I know, I know, it sounds strange at first, but the moment you say "sisters married brothers" well, someone will say, "my Aunts did that too"

I digress.

My nephews just graduated from high school.  Two different high schools - as they have two very different personalities.

But like most people, we all have different things in common.

One of my nephews called me yesterday.  I can count on one hand how many times I have spoken on the phone to my nephews.

He was trying to figure out when my sons were going to be in Texas this summer - as all the cousins are trying to get there at the same time.  He said no one could tell him the dates, but he figured I would know (at least he knows that about me!)

As a graduation present, the twins went Skydiving.

I was really excited to ask about this, as it is on the list of things to do in my life.

Me:  "How was skydiving?"

Him:  "It was awesome."  (the answer I was expecting)

Him:  "Your stomach doesn't even drop"

Me:  "Really?"

Him:  "Yeah, it's not like a roller coaster.  Where your feet end up in front of you.  Or you just drop"

Me:  "What about when you jump out of the plane?"

Him:  "No, not at all, as you don't really jump, you lean forward and follow your heart."

Ahh, said Aunt Leasa.  When you lead with your heart, it's always okay..........

The Window Washer

Every year - usually just before Mother's Day - a guy shows up at my house and offers to wash the windows.

He will take the screens off.  Wash the screens AND the windows - all for $20.  I usually try to give him at least $30 - depending on how much cash I have around.  You have to give him a bucket and a bit of soap.

My windows looks great.  He doesn't always wipe the place on the bottom - between the screen and the pane, but hey, I'm only paying $20.

Some years he stops by twice.  Other years, he doesn't stop by at all.  This year, he stopped by today - a few months later than normal.  He even commented how dirty my windows were.

He puts on his music.  I usually give him a bottle of water.

The thing you CAN"T do?  Engage in a conversation with him.

Truth be told, I think he's homeless.  Or least doesn't live like the rest of us.  He noticed my iPhone and asked "is that one of those phone/music things?"  I didn't mention the camera too.

He's clean.  He does not smell like alcohol.  He works a honest days pay.  He goes house to house asking if he can wash their windows.

The first time I let him wash the windows was probably 5 years ago - at LEAST.

We don't let him in the house.  He keeps offering to clean a couple of the windows inside, that he can't get from the outside, but we say no thank you.  I make sure the boys aren't home with him alone.

A few years ago, I was telling a friend of mine about my window washer.  She told me, the next time he stops by, bring him to my house.

She has a two story house.  I think her bill was $40 dollars.  I'm sure she paid him $50.

We just had the conversation a few weeks ago regarding "William the Window Washer" and how he hadn't shown up this year.

Low and behold, he showed up today.  She's out of town with her son visiting a university.  I'll met the window washer at her house tomorrow - I forgot to call her husband today, letting him know someone was coming by to clean the windows.

When I sent her the text "I know you are out of town, but the window washer is here!".  I know I literally skipped when I saw him coming up the walk!

What a deal.  And more than that, here is someone whom is a limited in his mental capacity, yet being productive to society.

I don't ask more as he seems to talk to the space behind you.  But, he cleans my windows.  He cleans my friends windows.  He is clean he shows up once or so a year.

When you manage your expectations of other people in life - he exceeds them every time.....

Like you, only younger

I've written about this of friend of mine before.  

He is a dear friend.  A friend I've know for over twenty five years now.  In fact, next summer, my youngest son will be the same age (down to the week) he was when we met.  All those years ago.

His first wife was murdered.  Almost eight years ago.

It took a long time - he's re-married now.  He has a son.  He has a crazy wife.

I've tried.  Truly, I have tried.

I don't ever try to get someone to like me.  I don't "try" and be nice.  I just am, well, who I am.  Warts and all.  

I've played nice this time around.  I realize I'm very protective of my friend.  He's been through a lot.  We all think we have been though stuff - then well, when you say, "My friends wife was murdered", well, everyone agrees he wins the prize.

My teenagers think she is crazy too.  We all do.  We have all tried.  The entire group of us.  We are a welcoming bunch.  Just ask the boys, they think this group let us in - truth is, you don't have to welcome people in.  When people show up, you let them stay.  

Unless they try to change you.  

I could go on and on.  I could rant for days.  

Only, today, I will pray she finds peace in her life.  I really hope she can find it.  We are a really loving group.  Our group is patient.

Of course though, I have teenage sons involved in this relationship.  They get she is crazy.  It's actually funny to hear their version of the story.  

Today is my friends birthday.  I send him a text.  I sent him a message on Facebook - then I went to write something on her Facebook page.  Only I couldn't find it.  

Hmmmm..... That's odd.  Only, I was too busy to really think about it again.  Then I thought, "Hmm, maybe she got off Facebook"  (I do get the fact that it can be a bit much), only I sent a text to a friend of ours.  "Has she gotten off Facebook" - the reply "No, I can still find her".  

Then I have my oldest son look.  He finds her immediately.  Hmmm..... I've been blocked.  Seriously?

Are you really that insecure to block me from your friends list on Facebook of all places???? Was all I could really think.

The worst thing is that she will find out I figured this out.  (Although, sadly, I'm not sure how long it has been since she blocked me) Then she will apologize profusely.  And THEN, I will be so disgusted by the fact that begging just makes me sad,  and really all I wanted was for my friend to be happy.

As my oldest son and I are talking about all this, he says, "You know, what he needs to do is to break up with her (I had to remind him they were married and you don't just 'break up') and find someone whom is athletic, likes to do fun things and is adventurous".

"Someone like you mom." "Only younger"

I think that was a compliment.........And, I think at least, well, my son doesn't think I'm the craziest one around......